Still single? When things go south with a guy, do you put your greatest effort into believing your besties when they tell you, “It’s his loss” but wonder in the back of your mind, “What’s wrong with me?” Meet man after man and think, “maybe this time it will be different” and then it still ends up being the same?
Ever wonder if you might be the cause of all your romantic troubles?
Well, I’m here to tell you, you probably are, but not for the reasons you, or others might think.
If this is you, don’t feel so bad. Even Taylor Swift is still single, and she is crushing life, breaking records, winning grammies, and making all of her dreams come true, sans man.
You just might be a lot more like this country-gone-pop sensation than you think.
You also might be more like the majestic bird, the eagle, than you think.
You might just be single because of Taylor Swift and eagles.
Sound crazy? Allow me begin the explanation of what you, this world-famous singer/songwriter, and the regal animal that is the symbol of America and valued by so many First Nations tribes, have in common.
I will first share with you the stunning story of how the female eagle selects her mate. I learnt this story as a teacher in Canoe Lake Cree First Nation in Northern Saskatchewan, but I am going to share it with you as told by the Wintu Tribal Elders of California (taken from http://www.snowwowl.com/hheaglemating061206.html):
“When it comes time for the female Eagle to choose her mate, she prepares herself for many suitors. And many come before her. She looks them over quite well and then picks one to fly with for awhile.
If she likes the way he flies she finds a small stick, picks it up and flies high with it. At some point she will drop the stick to see if the male can catch it. If he does, then she finds a larger stick and flies with it much higher this time. Each time the male catches the sticks, she continues to pick up larger and larger sticks. When she finds the largest, heaviest stick that she herself can carry, the stick is at this point almost the size of a small log! But she can still fly very high with this large stick.
At any time in this process, if the male fails to catch the stick, she flies away from him as her signal that the test is now over. She begins her search all over again. And when she again finds a male she is interested in, she starts testing him in the exact same way. And she will continue this “testing” until she finds the male Eagle who can catch all the sticks. And when she does, she chooses him, and will mate with him for life.”
A beautiful story of female power and an example of monogamy in nature, but wait! “Surely I do not put men through ‘tests’ – I just act like myself around them and want them to do the same, and if our mutual independence works well together in a relationship then that’s all I am looking for. I do not expect him to change or jump through any hoops.”
Of course you don’t, and I am sure neither does Taylor.
But let’s look at the two characteristics that would set Taylor apart from the other eagles (maybe this is getting kind of weird, but just follow along and it will become clear). Swift is 1) an idealist and 2) a go-getter. What type of eagle is this artist? She is the eagle that flies too high because she sees no boundaries. She is the eagle that flies too fast because she believes she can. She is the eagle that carries the largest sticks because she wants to become stronger. Everyday she flies higher, faster, and with larger and larger logs.
However, what happens to the eagle that can fly too high to be caught? What happens to the beautiful bird that can carry too heavy a stick for any of her male counterparts to hoist?
She ends up a Taylor Swift among eagles. She finds other super-strong eagle gal pals to fly higher with and carry bigger sticks alongside, and yet in her idealism she believes there still might be a man who can fly to the same heights at the same speeds bearing the same loads as she can.
Or, in real life, she moves into a giant, beautiful house in New York full of antiques and hangs out with other incredible, independent women (and Ed Sheeran) at the (so far) peak of their careers. Maybe she spends her time with a few cats, but when she isn’t posting pictures of herself being fantastic with felines or other femme-fatales, she is creating the life of her dreams. She is smashing her own previous records of album sales. She is becoming (has already become!) a fashion icon. She is selling out stadiums. And she is inspiring women, young and old, in the process.
Read an excellent interview by People Magazine about how Taylor has been spending the last few “freeing” years of her life here: http://www.people.com/people/package/article/0,,20856625_20860211,00.html
Now, you might think you are not like this famous music sensation. However, if you have those two characteristics, idealism and ambition, you are more like her than you think, and you are a difficult catch.
Let’s now investigate why idealism makes you, the eagle, and Taylor challenging creatures. As an idealist, you see the best in people. When you meet a man, you see him not for who he is, but for everything he is capable of becoming. You look past his flaws and see the beautiful potential within his being. You might consider becoming a teacher, a coach, or a guidance counselor, but you better learn to move slow in relationships or this incredible virtue can quickly become a vice.
“Ok, but if I am attracted to the best in a man, surely that means there should be a lot of suitable suitors for me.” Wrong. Undoubtedly you have many admirers – who isn’t attracted to an idealist that sees the best in him or her? However, the real reason being a dreamer makes you a difficult partner is because you force those around you to become better and see the world differently. This is hard for anyone who is not a dreamer or an idealist. You will be attractive at first, but once the partner in your life realizes he also needs to learn how to dream and see himself for his potential, this consort might get scared and run. The majority of people are comfortable with the status quo, and you disrupt their stable solace. “The usual” or “good-enough” does not work for you – off to flying higher and dropping heavier sticks for the next suitor.
You are also a go-getter and push yourself to achieving new goals regularly. You bring out the ambition in others. Your partner might be able to express this work-ethic for awhile, but if it is not in his nature, he will inevitably not be able to keep up to you – in essence, herein lies the second aspect of yours, Taylor’s, and the eagle’s challenge; your drive is daunting.
Lastly, let’s be honest: if male eagles see that same female eagle soaring beyond their point of sight with logs they have never even imagined lifting, many of them are just going to keep hanging out on the branch where they rest and not even try to chase after her. In people-terms, your characteristics of idealism and ambition make you intimidating to many men, and often you will find yourself sitting there alone in a crowd because they don’t even think they have a shot at you.
So what do you do? Do you dream smaller dreams? Do you set restricted goals?
If you are among the Taylor Swifts of eagles you just scoffed at those ideas. You fly out in the wickedest of winds to put as much pressure on your wings as possible. You find the largest branch you can bear and you bring it has high as you can, over and over again until that stick is no longer a strain, and then you move onto the next, heavier one. You fly higher and faster today carrying larger logs than you did yesterday. You do this everyday.
In reality you dream more daring dreams, you make grandiose plans, you set scary goals, and, much to the dismay of those who are not the same as you, you make them all happen.
Don’t let anyone slow you down in your journey towards your dream life. Either you will find someone who can keep up, or, as if in a chorus you will say along with Taylor, “I’m not too worried about whether I meet someone. I’m going to be happy either way.”
“One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.” – Helen Keller
Images in this post are from:
Berry’s Eagle Cam: http://www.berry.edu/eaglecam/