By Brittney Bergen
The honeymoon phase is real. Even Idealistic Isabel agrees with that! AND, that doesn’t mean you can’t discover deeper and deeper realms of love with your partner.
- Do a #DATENITE
You guys!!! This is SO vital for a thriving love relationship. Nolan and I have had a regular date night almost every week since we started dating. We never let the “dating” stop.
When I notice I’m feeling unsatisfied in the relationship, I can usually reflect and recall, “Oh yeah, we skipped our date night.”
In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s easy to become disconnected to the love of your life. DON’T LET THAT HAPPEN!
SCHEDULE a regular date night and stick to it. (Seriously, right now! Send your lover this blog and say it inspired you to pick a night where you promise to get together every week.)
If you can’t make it, reschedule it like you would the most important meeting in your week (because IT IS).
Our date night is every Wednesday, and it doesn’t have to be fancy. Here are some of the things we’ve done together:
- Played pool at the local pool hall
- Hit a workout together at the gym, or in our garage gym – followed by a post-training meal and/or visiting the local Temple Gardens Mineral Spa
- Dropped into a yoga class at the local studio
- Prepared the other person a meal, while they get to unwind. (Nolan likes to retreat to his man cave for 30-40 min before a date night. My personal fav? He pours me a glass of wine and I visit him while he makes the meal, and maybe even brings me an appy.)
Get crafty with what you have in your area! Nolan took holidays this week for a staycation, and we plan to hit some of the local museums and art galleries together.
Here we are at a play for one of our date nights.
When you have your date night, post a quick Instagram story (then get the Eff of your phone to be connected), and tag @idealisticisabel. We’d LOVE to see what you and your lover are up to.
NOTE: Date nights don’t only apply to lovers. You can schedule a date night with a friend, a family member, or even yourself (I dated myself for MONTHS before Nolan walked into my world in a romantic way).
2. Stay Silly
Your relationship with your lover is a safe haven where you can be your full, silly self. Let the goofiest version of you come out to play, and watch that loving sparkle return to your eye!
- Make the song on the radio into a duet
- When your partner pisses you off, instead of turning it into an argument, tackle her or him and wrestle
Find your own quirky collective sense of humour and you’ll fall more in love with your partner, and yourself, every damn day.
My boyfriend and I:
- Replace the lyrics to songs with “Doo doo diddly dum” and such when we don’t know the words, or create beats like this to electronic music. We always end up laughing our asses off when we do this.
- Talk to each other in that same language. I always know I’m happy when I catch myself saying, “Dum dum diddly dum,” and I also do this when I’m alone now.
- Call out, “Creative Kiss!” When one of us is going in for a smooch, the other can stop it and say these words: “Creative Kiss!” Then, we HAVE to kiss the other person in a way we NEVER have. (My personal favourite was when Nolan was tucking me in at night and I called Creative Kiss. He took my phone off the night stand, turned the flash on, and took a picture of him puckering up. Then he held the photo to my face for me to kiss. I laughed as my heart welled up with love for the silly man I get to call my boyfriend.)
Find your own silly side in your relationship and you’ll fall more in love every day!
3. Craft a Team Vision
Teamwork makes the dream work
Anyone who knows me knows I’m a goal getter. I learned, after many of my relationships fell apart, that for me to stay in a solid partnership I had to apply this skill to our collective goals and dream, instead of continually chasing down my own at the detriment of the relationship.
Having a Team Dream ties the two of you to a third point, greater than either of you. It prevents the possibility of becoming co-dependent. Instead of becoming attached to the other person or to the relationship, you’ll be fixated on achieving something for the Greater Good together (Isn’t that why we’re here, after all?).
Depending on how long you’ve been together, you can cast a vision together to create what you want. Nolan and I were only together about 6 months when we cast our first collective vision out into the multiverse!
Because of that, we chose to create a one-year vision. (If I’m entirely honest, this gypsy didn’t know if the relationship would make it longer than that, so there’s no point dreaming up a 10-year plan.)
Pick a time frame that feels good to the two of you:
- 90 Days
- 1 Year
- 3 Years
I’d suggest one of those.
“Most people overestimate what they can do in one year, and underestimate what they can do in 10 years.” – Bill Gates
The 3-year vision is a good time frame where you can dream BIG and manifest it. Dream too big in one year, and you may close out the year disappointed. Most of us can’t really fathom what’s possible in 10.
Once you have your time frame, employ a reverse gratitude practice:
- Start with this sentence stem, “We are so happy and grateful, for in the past 90 days we have…”
- Continue to dream up what you want in the different areas of your life. E.g.:
- Received _____________ amount of money from expected and unexpected income streams
- Worked with __________ types of clients/teams/coaches/mentors
- Practiced ____________ hobbies together
You get the picture! Write your vision, and then hang it up on a fridge, in your office, on your dresser mirror, or somewhere you can read it regularly (preferably daily), and then watch that baby unfold before your eyes.
You might be surprised what comes to you, and how quickly! I know Nolan and I have been!
4. Design Daily Love Practices
When you first started dating, chances are it was:
- Easy to send a cute message (or a booty pic – whatever tickles your fancy)
- Normal to cuddle and talk into the wee hours of the morning
- Effortless to lavish love upon the other person with gifts or words professing every little thing you love and admire about them.
Do you still do those things? I noticed they had faded between Nolan and me.
I have my own meditation and yoga practice. I express gratitude every day. I drink a green smoothie every single afternoon. These are practices I have that allow me to flourish.
Doesn’t it make sense to apply the same idea to our love life to optimize the fuck out of it? I think so!
One date night (that’s usually when we do our vision work together), we came up with these 4 Daily Love Practices together.
Sit down with your lover this weekend and come up with yours. We’d LOVE it if you’d share them with us in an Instagram message (@idealisticisabel) so we can celebrate you and your love!
The point isn’t to get them done every single day. We’re human. The point is to make your partner and your love a priority the same way you did when you were first dating. I encourage you to make romance paramount by implementing practices – just like you do with the other things that are meaningful to you.
Lasting Love Summary:
4 strategies to keep falling in love:
- #DATENITE – it doesn’t have to be fancyAF. Connecting weekly will do just that – keep you connected, and I believe DISCONNECT is why many relationships fall apart (or why the grass may look greener on the other side)
- Stay Silly – laugh, joke, and play together and you’ll fall more in love with yourself and your lover every damn day
- Cast a Couple’s Vision – get on the same page moving towards team dreams to stay together, and to achieve more as a couple than you can alone
- Develop Daily Love Practices – Do you workout every day? Eat the same breakfast? Whatever you do every day creates the results you get in your life. Create daily love rituals to have a flourishing romantic relationship.
We love you! Please tag @idealisticisabel in your posts about the transformations you make to your relationships based on this blog. We’d LOVE to hear it!
On behalf of these two #swolemates,